If you want a croissant, then eat one.

fullsizeoutput_17d.jpeg

If you want a croissant, then eat one.  

Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself for years.

I used to love croissants. Given the amount of time I spent as a child in France on family holidays (we used to have a little place in the North), I practically grew up on them. They’re flaky, warm and damn delicious. I’d cycle to the neighbouring village, all alone once I was old enough to be deemed road safe, and order breakfast for my family in my very best French accent. But something took that away from me.

Well last week I finally did it.

Why? Because I was fed up of listening the voice inside me telling me I shouldn’t.

What made me take the step? I’m not sure really. Perhaps it was because my favourite café in Bath gave me a free croissant as they were closing up. Sometimes a little nudge is all you need to take that step. For me, that nudge was being given that croissant. I’d thought long and hard about where I’d buy the perfect one if I ever was to have a croissant again. I’d told myself it had to be the best. It had to be worth it. But that’s just another rule and another way to control the anxiety. So, when I literally got handed a free croissant, I thought, why not? Now’s my chance to give it a go.

fullsizeoutput_17e.jpeg

I filled mine with berry chia jam and greek yoghurt. It was good. It wasn’t life changing. But it was really good. And that’s okay. Food doesn’t always have to be amazing or perfect. In fact, it rarely is. Maybe I didn’t manage two freshly baked croissants spread thickly with butter and Bonne Maman jam like I used to, but I took that step.

I must admit that it wasn’t easy. As soon as I’d finished the croissant, I felt anxious. I felt guilty. I felt like I’d let myself down. But I hadn’t. Importantly though, those thoughts quickly subsided and I actually begun to feel pretty good about myself! 

I must also admit, that I was still hungry, even though I’d had a bowl of yoghurt and extra jam alongside. So pretty soon after, I headed back down to the kitchen and made myself a smoothie. I wasn’t going to let the thoughts get the better of me.

That something, as you have probably guessed, is the disordered thoughts that still plague me from time to time. I’ve come a long way in my recovery journey, but they’re still there and I’ve still got to fight them. Like many others, as I attempted to move away from my ED, I feel into the ‘clean eating’ trap. I would only allow myself to eat certain foods and croissants certainty weren’t one of them. But over the years, I’ve learnt to challenge those rules, because rules are made to be broken, right?

Don’t get me wrong. I truly believe in the power of eating a healthy diet, but a healthy diet means a balanced diet. That includes appropriate amounts of all the food groups. It also means enjoying a little bit of what you fancy when you fancy.

So why am I sharing this? Well, I’m not saying I’m going to eat croissants every day for breakfast. In fact, I may not have another for some time, but if I do fancy one, I know I can go for it. I’m so glad I finally plucked up the courage to take that step. Whether you’re struggling with an ED or some sort of disordered eating, no food should be feared and no food should be deemed ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Food is just food. It’s there to be eaten and it’s there to be enjoyed. No matter what the media is telling us, I really truly believe everything is okay in moderation.

Do you think you can join me this week in a challenge, no matter how big or small, to try something you’ve been avoiding? Either comment below to let me know how you get on, or tag me on social media as I’d love to give you a word of encouragement too.

Until next time,

Hannah

#mylifeisforliving

fullsizeoutput_17c.jpeg